03 Apr First love
Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of finding someone, a man that would sweep me off my feet and take care of me. I used to think that a guy would make her complete somehow, and I tried twice to make that happen. It did not work for me. I have been broken down to almost nothing, with a desire to quit, but that was not meant to be.
God had a different plan for me. He led me to higher ground. He brought me to a new family; He showed me a brand new life. I was released from a bondage that I was blind to. I was bound with invisible chains. I did not even know that I was in prison. Like an elephant doesn’t know that the chain and peg are restraining it from leaving where it is chained. I had no idea that I was bound. It took crushing me to release me.
And now, I am in love. I have found a love that I cannot begin to explain. This love is so deep and so boundless that my emotions are overwhelming at times. I used to cry tears of grief and desperation, thinking I would never be able to change my circumstances. Now the love and joy I feel overwhelm me when I am driving and working. I hear a song or see the sunrise, and the tears of joy and the feeling inside and the love that I feel are like nothing I never thought that I could ever experience. I thought that I felt love and joy with a first date, a new purchase, a new house, and even being with friends, but this connection with Jesus and the gifts that He gives me every single day are specifically chosen for me.
He knows me, He knows everything about me and what my fears and desires are, and He anticipates my journey and places messages and gifts in my path when I start my day in communication with Him. That is the key. When I seek Him, He is there for me. He does not intrude or force His way into my day, but when I make Him a part of my life, He is completely dependable. I have attempted to make Him first in everything for the first time, truly first. I had partially done that in the past, but it took this brokenness and my incredible need for me to seek Him.