12 Feb Covid Diaries
My Pandemic Perspective
By
Desiree Abrams
As a hospital staff RN, I’ve found Covid-19 very interesting since the very beginning. I recall around March 2020 thinking I needed to watch every single daily Ohio governor briefing and attempted to absorb and understand every little bit of information shared during those briefings. I gathered a few things early on: 1. This was a brand-new novel virus we knew very little about 2. It seemed to be dangerous and quickly spreading and could cause death 3. The ONLY way to deal with this situation was a vaccine. That third point is what really threw me…I remember learning about “coronaviruses” in nursing school and how they were a family of cold viruses that couldn’t be eradicated and would forever mutate and change. They required symptom-based treatment and things like fluids, rest, and proper nutrition. So right off the bat, I was confused. How could we possibly know so early on that a vaccine was the be-all, end-all for this when we admittedly knew VERY little about Covid 19? And thus began my questioning attitude. I am actually not an “anti-vaxxer”. My kids have had their vaccines for school, and I was also vaccinated for many things such as smallpox, Hepatitis, MMR, TDAP, etc. But from what I understood about most of these Covid vaccines, this was NOT the same technology. M-RNA is completely different in its mechanism of action, and that also caused me to pause when I read about those details. I felt early on that as a healthy woman who exercises very regularly and makes a point to supplement with vitamins and healthy foods. I did not feel the Covid shot was something I was interested in. But I also knew deep down it would likely be mandated for me as a healthcare worker. Of course, my thoughts came true. As I watched almost every single nurse in my unit get the vaccine (some wanted it, some did not and took it simply to keep their job), I saw what I thought I would see. Month by month, each vaccinated nurse (except for one or two) became sick with Covid 19 within 3–6 months of varying degrees of severity and had to miss work. Wasn’t this vaccine supposed to protect them from Covid? It didn’t seem to be the case. Also, I observed myself and the other two unvaccinated nurses remain healthy and
un- hospitalized. I will be fair and say one of the three unvaccinated did contract Covid and became ill but unhospitalize, and she quickly recovered. Now the new narrative says, ” If I hadn’t taken the vaccine, my symptoms would have been worse.” I’m sorry, but how could anyone POSSIBLY know that? Also, here I am, unvaccinated, and my husband, children, and sister are all unvaccinated, and we HAVE NEVER HAD Covid, so what does that reinforce to me? This vaccine IS NOT for everyone and should NOT be mandated, and is NOT a blanket solution. Another part of my story is that people should be reluctant to trust big pharma blindly. My mother committed suicide at 42, which devastated me and changed me forever. She had recently been prescribed Gabapentin for neuropathy pain, and I remember the doctor giving her the script with little to no education on side effects or possible suicidal thoughts. She took that medication for less than six months before tragically ending her life, and no one blinked an eye. While taking that medication, she was not herself, but she fully trusted it to help her. Before you think a large drug, company, or vaccine manufacturer has your very best interest at heart, please research independently and also take a peek at their profits; it’s astounding and disturbing. I also listen to many patient stories about adverse reactions and the need to go back on medications they have been off of for years post-vaccine. These stories and views are being silenced and mocked, which should frighten everyone.
I will absolutely NOT get this vaccine, nor will my children, and I walked away from my job last week of 15 years in part due to this situation. I have never felt so strongly against something in my entire life, but I have friends and family who feel very different, and I still love them! I support their decisions and do not interfere. I think more Americans need not let this divide us but instead come together and make more effort to understand each other’s views without judgment. We all have personal experiences and human emotions that influence our decisions about what is best for us, and I think it’s so sad to see friendships and families unravel because of this. Let’s all do our part not to let this happen.
DESIREE
Life or Death- Covid
by
M.V. Russell
I woke to blue-green water and screaming pain in my right arm and leg. I reached my left leg down to the bottom, found the vinyl, and stood with that leg, but my right leg was too painful. I could also pull myself out of the pull, but I had no memory of how I got in there. I discovered I was standing, cleaning the shallow end just minutes before. And I was one of the very first to be exposed to a COVID patient when we were not wearing masks. You see, what I described above was what you call an NDE (near-death experience), and it was from a clot passing from my leg through my heart to my lung. I am now on a blood thinner, and I have been exposed, without a mask, to COVID-positive people in my family three times since then and tested negative after exposure all three times. I have had no symptoms and have not been sick. I have cared for hundreds of patients while wearing a mask and protected my immune system and health by changing my lifestyle. I have researched coagulation, my body makeup, allergies, and the virus, and I feel for myself and my family that it is not safe for my life to infect any part of this virus into my body. No one in the government can guarantee that my child will be given money or take care of my 16-year-old if something happens to me after, and now at this moment, without it, I am safe and have caused no one else around me any harm. I believe it is my right to make this decision to protect myself and my daughter. Having lost my mother and my sister just over two years ago, I should be able to make this decision without anyone forcing me to do otherwise.
M.V.
Best Friends and Other Strangers
By
Kitt McClain
What can you do when someone you love has an opposite opinion about something very important to you and could be a matter of life and death? Yes, I am talking about Covid-19 and the steps I’m willing to take to protect myself and my family. Do you know what it is like to be called a sheep and told the vaccine would kill you in two years?
How soon we forget. It was nothing to get vaccinated as a part of your school days in the sixties and seventies. You brought a note home to inform your parents of the date, and the students received their vaccines in the nurse’s office. There isn’t a nurse in most schools, and now people think vaccines are unsafe and horrible. Yet we no longer have to contend with many diseases because of vaccines’ wide distribution and administration.
I understand the concerns about vaccines. I do. But there is also a greater good to consider.
I have spoken my piece. I’m not here to talk about what divides us. If you’re looking for controversy, check social media, you won’t find it here. I believe we can find common ground.
More than any political party, I love my friends and family. I’ve stepped away from social media and sensationalized news stories. I went back to my training and evidence-based practice. The conversations surrounding Covid-19 reminded me of the conversations that once surrounded AIDS; the confusion and scapegoating caused lives. Important and needful information can get distorted when discussions aren’t based on facts. So, I relied on science and my experience with new vaccine development. I poured over the data and the research almost daily to make an informed decision for my family and myself.
I’ve been through many of these situations during my nursing career; AIDS, Avian flu, SARS of 2002, Ebola, H1N1, Zika virus, and now Covid-19 (the coronavirus of 2019).
In December 2020, I contracted what I thought was the flu. I had never been as ill as I was those two weeks in December. I had persistent fevers and was so weak I could barely get to the bathroom. The fevers ended, but my lungs were slow to recover. I had to use an incentive spirometer to help maintain my lung volume. It was six weeks before I felt like myself again. Two months later, a new virus hit the United States. People reported the same symptoms. It turns out I was lucky. My lungs held up, and I did not need hospitalization like so many.
That was when I realized this coronavirus was a problem. I immediately isolated myself from the noise. History taught me that a deluge of conjecture and finger-pointing would follow. Nothing in my past prepared me for what happened. It was a nightmare that threatened my mental health. Research again was my friend. I found the best combination of fabrics and paired them with a medical-grade filter. I satisfied my need to take action by making masks. It wasn’t an N-95, but it was pretty good. Over six months, I made over four hundred masks. I would make them after work. I filled my weekends with sewing and selecting fabrics. People teased and shamed me incessantly, they told me I was overreacting, and Covid-19 was just the flu. I didn’t stop until everyone around me could safeguard themselves. What people didn’t understand was my impetus wasn’t fear. It was love. It was the need to care for and possibly protect my friends and loved ones.
My decisions may seem pretty straightforward, but I come with cultural baggage—experiences steeped in deceit and harm without regard for life and limb. A history clouded expectations for people who look like me when interacting with healthcare and government-led health initiatives. It makes African Americans wary of any experimental treatments offered by the government. After determining that the vaccine was important, I pushed that suspicion to the back of my mind. I became the guinea pig for my family. I believed that getting vaccinated was the best choice for my family. But I also didn’t want to cause harm by encouraging a vaccine that would hurt them. When the vaccine became available, I scheduled my appointment. I wouldn’t be first in line. My vaccination appointment was two months away. I knew that if there were problems, these problems would surface with a wide vaccine distribution.
So, again, I reviewed the results and side effects, and as my appointment drew near, like taking sugar and sulfur each fall when I was a kid, I soldiered on. Keeping my family safe was of utmost importance. Next up was my husband, who served as the bell-weather for his family. His sister refused the vaccine, and I respect her right to make that choice. However, she masks with an N95 and decreases her contact with others. Choice is not a one-way street. There are consequences for our choices. For me, I will err on the side of caring for the people that I love. Unfortunately, dealing with Covid-19 will be the reason I leave nursing. I am worth more than the daily disrespect from patients when I am trying to protect them, but that’s a different blog post.
Back to my original question: What do you do when someone you love has an opposite opinion about something very important to you? You listen, talk, and attempt to understand. Ultimately without regard for anything else, I want the people I love to be happy, healthy, and to live the life they are meant to live. I will now and always be in support of whatever moves that forward.
KITT
We may have different opinions or approaches to Covid, but our friendship is stronger than ever. We took a moment to jot down three things that we like about each other. Take a look at them below.
Ambra
Posted at 02:15h, 17 FebruaryThis is incredible!!! These experiences and different points of view are refreshing.